In Sunlight

Hahaha! I love how blown up the picture of Pookie is. Enjoy, everyone. That’s it. Don’t even bother reading.

It’s been raining a lot lately. It’s proof that the weather is getting warmer though, so that’s a good thing. Apparently the weather has actually been pretty nice, but I am usually asleep during the day, so I miss it. By night, it’s back to thirty-something degrees. BUT, it’s 16:00 and I’ve been up since 0500, so I was able to experience the 45 degree weather! If you haven’t already noticed, weather is very important to me. So I had a big day today! Just kidding. I went to the doctor and then the gym while Dan has been sleeping. That’s pretty big for me, especially since it was during the daytime. Ah, it just started to rain. It has been fairly nice out all day. I made it back home just in time.

I feel so energized! I accidentally got myself on a day schedule since I have been sleeping the majority of the day and night for the past few days. I’ve been so tired lately. It probably has to do with some depression and not getting enough vitamin C. Most of you are aware that my little pug baby Pookie (was due to turn 16 in May), and my grandmother (dad’s mom) both passed away in the same weekend. It was a lot to take in, especially since I found out about the deaths 15 minutes apart. I guess I had mourned the loss of Pookie even before she died. I would think about how she is super old and I probably wouldn’t ever see her again. I really love that little dog… At least she kept eating ’til the end, like the fatty she was. I still haven’t properly mourned my grandmother’s death, as if there is a proper way to do it. I know I am being a bit hard on myself for not being very sad about it. But I am sad about it. I just haven’t cried over it. I guess my sadness has been expressed in other ways. Like being really numb. I find it hard to be really upset about her because she wasn’t a part of my everyday life. I loved her very much, but because of the language barrier, I have never had a real conversation with her and the only times I have seen her were when I visited Turkey. Although we never really spoke, I felt a connection with her. And I’ve always admired her. I smile as I think about her looking like a badass sitting on the porch or balcony smoking her Marlboro Reds and quietly observing everyone and everything. Everyday the rest of the family would call her just to say hi. It was a daily check in they did, just because. Apparently I look the most like her.

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Oo! It’s thundering and lightning now! I love how I feel right now… Sitting on the couch with Kumo next to me, balcony door open and hearing the rain, candle lit, and writing. Almost perfect. I would just need Dan.

So as I was saying earlier, I got myself onto a day schedule and I feel great. I actually wanted to do things today! It’s truly amazing how differently I feel today, in sunlight, compared to the past few months, in darkness. Hopefully it sticks. Dan sent this to me and I thought it was so funny because of how accurate it is:

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I can’t wait for Dan to get on a day schedule (so soon!) so we can be normal people together. I don’t like that I’ve been up this whole time and he’s been sleeping. It’s a little lonely. But I have Kumo.

Something I didn’t mention in my last post when talking about the beach… When I was there, it didn’t feel like I was in a different country. It didn’t feel like I was on the other side of the world. It is the people and customs that make you feel like you’re far from home. Not necessarily your surroundings. Just a random thought.

It stopped raining and the sun is out. I really think the warmer weather is going to make me happier. Maybe I won’t fantasize about being in New York with Kumo anymore. I do that pretty often. Of course I would want Dan to be there too, but I know that is impossible. I just still really miss home. That probably won’t go away.

The cherry blossoms will bloom soon. Dan and I plan to go to Hirosaki castle for the cherry blossom festival. Of course I will take lots of pictures and share them.

This was a pretty random blog post with all of my random thoughts. So here’s one more thing…

Fun Japanese fact: It’s pretty much impossible to get salmonella from eggs here. Why is that? Because they vaccinate the chickens. Amazing. And there is no need to refrigerate the eggs. A lot of foods, mostly udon and ramen, have a raw egg in them. And Kumo loves his raw eggs.

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